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Know the Power of Resilience

Hola Amigos,

I have a truth bomb to explode for you today- LIFE IS NEVER EASY. Yes, life can never be just a bed of roses but will have thorns also with it.

In lifetime, everybody has experienced "difficult times". I strongly feel that the definition of "difficult times" is very subjective. It can range from facing financial crisis for some, to not being in the best physical or mental condition for others. Although, there is one common quality that helps us to survive those storms- Resilience.

I have a confession to make. My life, specially childhood has not been easy. There were problems each day which I had fight everyday, with or without the family support. I might talk about them in upcoming blogs. Coming back to the point, the difficulties that I had to face made me very short tempered, boring and introvert. I would pick up a fight with everyone hence, I had very few friends. As I grew older and met several people who have had much difficult times but still had the biggest smiles. Never for a moment anyone would say, looking at them, that they are in pain. That's when I realized that, its not the difficult times that define us, rather, it is the way in which we respond to them. We should never react to a situation, but respond to it, preferably towards a solution. Difficulties in life can break or make us- it is up to us on how we decide to stand back after falling. Here's when the power of resilience comes to the rescue.

Resilience is the ability of a person to bounce back after facing adversities in life. Its not like a trampoline where you fall and bounce back simultaneously. Rather, its more like climbing a mountain where there are challenges, setbacks, physical/mental breakdowns but you still trail towards the top. Resilience makes you mentally tough but its not that a resilient person will never feel stressed or will never have a mental/emotional breakdown- there will be! However, resilience helps you work through the emotional upheaval and sufferings.

It is natural to feel demotivated and the urge to give up on everything, through such times. A resilient person accepts these feelings but never lets them govern over him. It will give us the strength needed to overcome hardships.

Person who lacks resilience will get overwhelmed easily and turn towards unhealthy coping mechanisms like-

  1. Complaining: You might have come across several people who are constantly complaining about every little inconvenience. They lack nothing but resilience. They constantly complain as a coping mechanism but in an unhealthy way.

  2. Victim mentality: Okay, so this is might be a little tricky to understand but hear me out. Its a very normal trait that all people now-a-days have in common- thinking of themselves as being a 'bechari' (helpless). They sympathize with themselves on every hardship that they have to face. Once you start sympathizing with yourself, you are actually inculcating "victim mentality" into your mind. I have a request to make- Please stop thinking yourself as a victim. Rather, start thinking of yourself as a warrior and trust me, just with a change in perception you will become stronger and resilient.

  3. Irrational thinking: there are 2 aspects to this point. Firstly, have you come across someone who is going through some difficult phase in his life because of which he is frustrated and grumpy? What he tends to do is that he keeps shouting on everybody around him and keeps taunting everyone unnecessarily. Even you might have done this to someone who was not even at fault. If you have, please go and apologize to them. This is absolutely wrong and toxic to some extent. Next time when you are angry/frustrated, please remember that no one is liable for you sufferings. It's just you, your emotions and irrational reaction to it.

Secondly, during hardships, you might have to make many decisions. In such situations, think rationally. Rational thinking according to me is not only practical but a perfect combination of practical and emotional thinking and both are necessary.

Now, the main question- How can we become resilient. Resilience needs to be instilled in early age through good parenting but is also learned in later life through experiences. Psychology has described 7C's of resilience which are listed here-

  1. Control: Opportunities that help to develop a sense of control over emotions, situations and perception.

  2. Competence: Identifying how competent you are in handling a situation. Ask questions, learn from your and other's mistakes to foster competence.

  3. Coping: Everyone has different coping mechanics- withdrawal/denial/acceptance etc. Identify that. Know what is unhealthy way and adopt healthier one like writing/journaling/therapy etc.

  4. Connection: Make friends and be there with them. Make connection with your family. It is seen that people who connect more with their friends and family are more resilient.

  5. Character: Strengthen your sense of character by exploring who your are. Make a list of your values, principles and abide by them.

  6. Confidence: Believe in yourself. As I said, think of yourself as a fighter and not as a victim. Boost your confidence and you will become more resilient.

  7. Contribution: Contribute- to the society not necessarily monetary but you can do so much for the less priviledged, differently abled etc. When you will reach out to them, you will realize how resilient and content they are. You will learn from them.

I know, this blog was a bit lengthy, but in these uncertain times, I felt it is important for us to understand that we can't control the situations, but, our response to them. This can be done only when we become resilient.

At the end, I just want to say that yes, its difficult to develop resilience overnight, but it can be instilled as life teaches you everything. Even for me, it took many years to finally understand about it and I am now better at it, hence the blog.

So, come on Amigos, pull up socks and Go! Conquer the world and remember, you all are fighters!

Remember, life adversities are there to make you stronger, not weaker!

Fighting!

Love,

Saloni.



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